the gratitude letters - before I go

Before I Go

Dearest Friend,

Sometimes change is gradual. It happens over time and is subtle. Barely noticeable. Other times change strikes hard and with blinding speed. You didn’t ask for it. It just happens. Sometimes the change is welcomed and is for the better. Sometimes not. For me, my change came in the course of an hour.

I was preparing for a workout on my treadmill when it happened. I put on a pair of shorts that I haven’t worn in two years. Let me rephrase that. I half put on the pair of shorts. They were what felt like someone else’s shorts. I was crushed. Literally, I was crushed and squished inside these shorts and unable to move. I stood in front of the mirror at my reflection and I realized that I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me. When had this happened and where did I go? I wasn’t sure. In confusion I shimmied and twisted out of the shorts and put my regular workout pants on. I then went to my treadmill in what felt like a daze.

As I worked out I thought about the shorts and the person I saw in the mirror. I reflected on how much weight I had gained and knew it had been there for some time. I suppose I have been in denial for a while. I ran harder on the treadmill trying to pound out the frustration I was feeling but to no avail.

I rationalized with myself that all I needed to do was eat better and restrict calories but I knew I was lying to myself. Sure that would work for a while just like all the times before but if I didn’t make a real change and do it for the right reasons, I would end up right back where I am standing now.

I pictured in my mind the person I wanted to be and do you know what? I was nothing like that person. I looked nothing like her and more importantly, felt nothing like her. When I pictured her, she was not only healthy and lean, she was strong. She ate healthy, had muscles, and ran marathons. I realized right then and there that more than anything I wanted to be her and I was prepared to do whatever it took.

“And the day came when the risk to remain the same was greater than the risk to change…”

I will be upfront on this; I don’t know the first thing about being healthy. Not really. I know Reese’s Peanut Butter cups have peanut butter in them but probably isn’t the best choice for a source of protein. I don’t even know why I need protein. I know lifting weights will give me muscles but I don’t know the first thing about how to get started. I know I shouldn’t be eating milk products because of my intolerance but stopping isn’t so easy. Milk is in everything. Vitamins, yoga, meditation, fitness, and marathon running are all things I want to learn and do but I don’t have a clue how to do them. I have a lot to learn and that lead me to my next thought. Time. I needed time and time is just something I don’t have a lot of, if at all.

My days are filled with time spent on things that are important to me. My website is one of them. I also am in the process of writing a fantasy series which I have big hopes for. When I am not working on those things, I am taking care of my family. And then it hit me. None of those things are any good if I’m not around to enjoy them. Something inside me screamed that for once in my life, I needed to put myself first. I needed to give everything I have to being the person I want to be before it’s too late. Someone I can be proud of. So that’s what I am going to do.

After talking to my family and gaining a tremendous amount of support from them, I’ve decided to temporarily put my website, all social media, and my book on hold so I can go on a yearlong health sabbatical. I like to think of it as a journey of transformation. For the next year, I am going to transform myself into the strong woman I envisioned myself to be. I’m going to get healthy and strong and train to run that half marathon that I’ve always dreamed of running.

Before I go, I want to take this very special moment to say thank you. The last year spent writing you has been very special to me. I’ve learned a lot and I’ve grown in so many ways. It is my hope that when I return I will have much to share with you. In the meantime, I wish you the very best. Take care of yourself. Be kind to one another and stay grateful.

With love and gratitude,

the gratitude letters author signature diane lynn

16 thoughts on “Before I Go

  1. Wow Diane. It will be really sad to see you go. But I get it. You need to do this for you. Put yourself first. Taking a step back can do wonders. Know that you’ve made an impact on many people’s lives with your letters and even though you won’t be here anymore, you will never be forgotten. Like all goodbyes it’s sad, I know because I had to leave things behind also in order to change. It will be hard at first, but focus on the goal. Hope to see you next year. Remember you promised you’ll be back. That’s why I’m writing this comment on your blog to remind you. I wish you all the best. I know you will achieve this goal. Stay strong. Don’t give up. I’m glad I had the chance to meet you. Will miss you lots, Goodbye for now 🙂

    1. Hi Renza. Thank you so much for leaving me such a beautiful and kind comment and most of all for your understanding. I hope you have a wonderful and strong year as well my friend. Take care of those pups!

  2. Our loss is your gain, Diane. I am rooting for you, and cannot wait until you come back telling us of your success.

  3. Good for you Diane. You can do it. I’m pulling for you too. I’m sure this was a tough decision, but good health is important. Good luck with your new goal and focus.

  4. I stopped by your site today because I hadn’t seen your letters lately. I think this is amazing – we’re all spiritual beings, and I hope your year of transformation is renewing, refreshing, and revitalizing for you. Selfishly, I also hope you write a bit about it so we can all learn from you when you get back.:-) Until then…Love, Kirstie

    1. Hi Kirstie!
      I am definitely planning on coming back and I know I will have much to share. I’ve been documenting all the ups and downs. Thanks for checking on me Kirstie. It means a lot to me. Love back at ya!

  5. Hi Diane. I think I missed this post when it was new, but I was missing you. I understand, and I hope all the best for you. I do hope you’ll come back, and I’m very intrigued by this fantasy series.

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